Hey everybody, sorry for the lack of posts. I've just started work, prelims just ended and my piano exam is coming up so I am really exhausted /: Anyway, do not judge the title of this post. Huge disclaimer: I am not saying that I am excellent at relationships. I am still learning, but I believe that there are changes in me that I have noticed comparing how I was in my previous relationship and how I am now.
At a beginning of a relationship, every couple will have this phase where they want to spend every single waking moment with their other half aka "Honeymoon Period." That is fine, completely normal. What happens after is the difficult part.
There will be a time when you want to have some time to hang out with your friends without any of you bringing your partners along. However, because you have spent about a few months spending everyday with your partner, you suddenly feel overwhelmed when they ask "can I tag along?" Note that they are not "clingy", they are just used to tagging along. Generally, (but of course with exceptions), girls will be the one that immediately feel insecure when their boyfriends say, "No la it's just us guys and we will probably hang out till really late, so you just sleep first ok?" It instantly leads to "shit, he meeting some girl." NO! Don't jump to that conclusion. Guys, you are not escaping from this because I know of some guys who react the same way.
First of all, WHERE IS THE TRUST? Are you sure you are ready for any form of commitment? I mean, if you really trust him/her, just let them have time with their friends. I was out with a girl friend and we both agreed that sometimes girls will have their own things to gossip/chat about and so do guys. Yet these topics that are discussed are usually unable to be expressed when our partners are around. It is COMPLETELY normal. Everybody needs their me time, girl time and guy time. It just this thing called "Space". Without this space and some air to breathe, nobody will ever want to be in a relationship. They will just go to clubs and probably have a list of girls/guys for booty call.
Sometimes when my boy stays over for the night, his friend who is my neighbour would ask him out for supper. Although staying over at my place means to spend time with me, I just passed him my house keys and just let him go have supper and a good catch up session with his mate without me sitting there blocking the flow of the many topic they could be discussing. Not just supper, I even let him hang with 2 other guy friends and they went to Wine Bar for some drinks. Which brings me to my second point.
2: You will honestly feel good after giving each other that space. If your partner lets you have a day away from him/her to hang out with your friends, you will go out feeling "he/she is so understanding." You will know that you had made a good choice to commit to a relationship with such a partner. You will also feel good if you are the one allowing him/her to go out with their friends. You give your partner the impression that you trust them and you understand that these are the people your partner grew up with and they have loads to catch up. You also leave a good impression on your partner's friends. They will be saying "your girl/boy so nice, give you space to hang out with us. You are a lucky man/woman." Honestly.
3. You need to have separate group of friends. Yes you can bring your partner into your clique and be a huge clique, but you still need to have the "his friends" and "her friends" group. Being in a hugeeee group of friends can affect friendship. Happened to me and I know. I lost an ENTIRE group of friends because of a breakup. Stupid. Your separate groups of friends allow you to find this space to prevent the feeling of being suffocated by the commitment. You will each have a group of friends to call out without the need of always bringing a partner. After all, you met this group of friends when you were all single, so you need to have that fun time once in a while.
I know this aren't exactly fantastic tips, but they are little things I have noticed about how I have grown since my last horrible relationship and it has made me work towards being a better girlfriend. Not only that, it also made me realize a relationship is about giving and taking. There cannot be only one side giving in all the time because it will lead to exhaustion of the other party, and hence straining the relationship. I hope these tips can give you a little nudge to reflect upon your relationship and work hand-in-hand with your partner to keep it going strong (:
Lotsa love,
Carmen Sarah
